


Method actor.

by Freddia



Category: Rocketman (2019), Rocketman (2019) RPF
Genre: Drug Use, Drug-Induced Sex, Drunk Sex, Eating Disorders, Insults, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:01:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21868678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freddia/pseuds/Freddia
Summary: Taron wanted to go beyond for his new role. He wanted to experience and feel everything Elton had experienced in his youth. He was so excited and so determined to give it all that he didn't thought about the consequences.
Relationships: Taron Egerton/Richard Madden
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> My new madness about these two!!
> 
> Thank you so much to PrincessMarion and nomornersnofunerals.tumblr.com for edit the chapters.
> 
> Remember that english is not my mother tongue, apologies in advance for any grammar mistake.
> 
> Enjoy.

Taron remembered Konstantin Stanislavski when he found out that he would play the legendary musician Elton John.

Konstantin Stanislavski was a Russian famous theatre actor in the early 1900s, who said: “Remember; there are no small parts, only small actors”.

Taron read about him while he was studying drama, that is when he heard for the first time the term “Method acting”.

It mobilises the actor's conscious thought and will in order to activate other, less-controllable, psychological processes like emotional experience and subconscious behaviour, sympathetically and indirectly. In rehearsal, the actor searches for inner motives to justify action and the definition of what the character seeks to achieve at any given moment.

Taron was a method actor. 

He wanted to go beyond, he wanted to experience and feel everything Elton had experienced in his youth. That included alchool, drugs and gay sex. Taron had never done any of that, but he was so excited and so determined to give it all that he didn't thought about the consequences.

He promised himself that his exploration would last until he started filming. Once the film began, he would leave everything behind.  
The first step to begin experimenting was given by Elton John himself when he gifted him his first diamond earring.  
That same afternoon Taron went to pierce his right ear.

No one should know about his research, it had to be something private and careful.

He was so ready.  
_

During the weekend, Taron decided to go alone and incognito to a gay bar on the outskirts of London.

It was not his first time there, he went many times to birthday parties with friends, but he was never there to plan to find someone to have a homosexual encounter.

He was straight, but that didn't matter, because nothing would get in his way, and he was willing to feel the same thing Elton felt during his first experiences with men.

He approached the bar and asked for a drink. Alcohol was another thing he should try, although he have been drunk before.

The music was loud and the atmosphere was dark, he could barely see the people around him.

Suddenly a question came to his mind: What kind of man was he looking for? He didn't like men, but he noticed when a man was handsome. He would like to find someone similar to Hugh Jackman, but then he laughed alone, because that wasn't going to be possible.

There was only one Hugh Jackman.

A young man with a strange accent approached the bar and asked for a drink, Taron looked at him, and the young man looked at him back. Taron admitted that he was impressed with the color of his eyes.

"Hi" he greeted without hesitation.

"Hello" replied the stranger.

"Will you let me pay for your drink?"

That didn't seem difficult, he was using the same tactics he always used to talk to women.

“I don't see why not" he replied.

"I'm Bruce" Taron lied.

"I am Lisandro"

"Sorry? ... Lis ..."

“Everybody here calls me just “ L ”, I’m from Argentina”

"Oh wow, and what are you doing here?"

"Studying"

"Great"

The young man had abundant black hair, disheveled, a little beard and very white skin, beautiful features and strange eyes, with a mixture of green and blue.

They talked for hours while laughing and drinking, that boy could surely be a new friend, but he wasn't there for that.

"Wanna dance?" Taron proposed.

"Sure"

The rhythm of the bass on the track, the colored lights, the nearby bodies, the heat, and the alcohol in his blood made him feel euphoric.

The foreign boy approached him, and he had the instinct to step back, watching as "L" looked at him curiously.

It's time for the truth - Taron thought - time to experiment.

Taron approached the boy and put his hands on his waist. His body felt thin and hard.

“Do you want me to blow you in the bathroom?”, the guy whispered over his ear.

That sounded tempting, but his body and his senses rejected him, alcohol was not enough to give him the courage to have that experience.

"How could I refuse?" he replied.

The foreign boy took him by the hand and dragged him between the people to the bathroom.

The sound of the music diminished a little when they entered, but their ears filled with sighs and groans instead. It seemed that the bathroom was one of the places chosen to be intimate.

"L" put him in one of the individual bathroom stalls and pressed him against the wall.

He wanted to kiss him, but he wasn't ready yet, so he moved his face to the side and the other boy's lips ended up on his neck. Taron closed his eyes and tried to relax, concentrating on the hot tongue over his skin.

The boy’s body felt firm against his, the feeling was not unpleasant, but nevertheless his hands pushed him away.

"What is wrong?" Asked the foreigner, frustrated.

"I'm sorry"

“First time with a man, huh?”

"Yeah ..."  
“It's okay, there's always a first time”

The boy got on his knees and pulled down his pants. Taron could not react fast enough, and when he tried to stop him his dick was already inside the foreigner's mouth.

"Ohh shit" He moaned.

That could be a very hot situation, a cute guy sucking him in an environment full of moans and low light. But even if he tried he couldn't get excited.

The foreign boy stood up and looked at him badly.

"I'm sucking a dead worm", said.

"I'm so sorry, L"

"Do you really want this? Because you're wasting my time"

Of course Taron wanted, he wanted his experiences to be as he had planned in his head, but that was not going to be possible, his research would be more difficult than he imagined.

“I’m not so sure, actually,” finally said, “I’m sorry”

"Chau, cuttie," the foreigner said, leaving the bathroom.

Taron was frustrated: Konstantin Stanislavski would have been so disappointed in him.  
_

He let a few weeks pass before returning to his investigation, but did not abandon it at all.

He was alone in his room watching gay porn, about analyzing the situation that was in front of him. That looked painful ... at least at the beginning, then it seemed to be very pleasant.

He also read articles on the internet and could understand the difference between “top” and “bottom”. Also that preparations were always needed so that nobody would get hurt. The lubricant was the key, but also the excitement of both men would lead to a natural dilation.

He looked like a medical student and not an actor.  
_

That night he dressed in black, because he didn't like what he saw in the mirror, he was gaining weight, and although he knew he would be fit again, he tried to get in Elton's mind.

He had eaten too much, usually he was doing it on purpose.

Taron knelt on the floor of his bathroom, put his fingers in his mouth and vomited everything he ate that day inside the toilet.

That felt horrible, poor Elton. He could barely imagine what it would be like to lose control over such a disgusting act to the point of feeling it as a necessity or something normal.

He went to a different bar that time, further away, more dangerous.

The difference with the previous bar was evident, there were men having sex in sight. The smell made him feel nauseous, and it wasn't clean at all.

He approached the bar and ordered whiskey, mixing it with the wine he had taken at home.

"You shouldn't come here with something so expensive in your ear" said a voice at his side.

When he turned Taron saw two men sitting at the bar next to him.

"This crap?" he replied "It's fake."

"It doesn’t seem fake"

Both men were young, tall and dark skinned, very different from the foreign student.

“What’s your name, pretty boy?” asked one of the guys.

“I’m Bruce” lied.

“Nice to met you. I’m Colin, and he’s Brian”

Taron felt a little nervous, the place and the people there were very different from the previous gay bar, something told him that those men would not be as understanding with him as the foreign boy had been.

He took another whiskey.

"Be careful" Brian said "That's strong"

“It’s what I need”

"Someone dared to break your heart?"

"Something like that" Taron replied, trying to put himself in Elton's place after breaking up with John Reid.

"We have something that can help you" Colin said.

Taron watched as one of the men pulled a cigarette from inside his jacket.

"What...? Marijuana?" He asked.

Taron had already smoked that herb and considered it quite harmless, in addition to having a very relaxing effect on him, if he smoked he would probably fall asleep on the bar.

"It's "Amnesia Haze", cute boy," Brian explained, "It's like weed, but stronger"

"And better" Colin added.

"Sounds like the title of a song by Elton John"

“Great!, we love Elton”

Taron smiled and accepted the cigarette that the two men offered him.

A whistle was enough to know that shit was strong.

A few minutes later, that dirty and dark place was the most fascinating ever, he wanted to paint its walls with beautiful colors, and even took a napkin to draw sketches.

"Easy, pretty boy" Brian said at his side.

“No, no… this is wonderful, it is magnificent. We will paint the walls with the faces of the great gay icons of rock and roll ... and then ... then we can ... "

"Shhh, slow down, gorgeous" Colin said next to him.

He felt euphoric, happy and creative. Everyone danced in front of him dressed in neon colors that dazzled him and he couldn't stop laughing.

“Holy shit!!, I love this song!” Taron screamed.

All Taron wanted was to dance, laugh, enjoy, create, and change the world. Hands in the air, dancing to the rhythm of powerful music, among delirious colors. The heat invading every corner of his body and, suddenly, thick lips on his ... he did not move away despite the surprise.

It felt good, he wanted more.

He took the face of the person in front of him in his hands and deepened the kiss, introducing his tongue and biting his lips.

Hands behind him felt like naughty insects that got under his shirt and made him laugh out loud.

"You tickle me!!" he laughed.

Someone was talking from behind.

"Enjoying the trip?"

"What trip are you talking about, naughty bug?" Taron replied innocently.

“You are very high”

“That’s not true, I’m a good boy”

The naughty insect turned him and kissed him with passion... hell, he had no idea that insects could do that.

Apparently there were two of them, one was kissing him, and another was touching him from behind.

Those insects were making him moan.

Taron was almost unconscious in the middle of the dance floor of that gay bar. Colin was behind, touching him indecently and rubbing his hard dick against his butt. Brian kept kissing him while one of his hands went down to Taron's bulge.

"Oh yeah!" Shouted "That feels so fucking good"

“Let’s go to the dark room” Brian proposed.

"Where?" Taron asked, in his little world "Is it really dark? But we won't see anything"

"Don't worry about it" Colin said. "We will take care of you"

"Oh, thank you beautiful insect, so kind of you"

The two men dragged Taron to a hidden place behind the bar.

“This wood looks amazing!” Taron screamed.

"Shhh, silence" Brian warned.

"Oh God, are the witches making those noises?”

“You're so so cute, Bruce”

"Who’s Bruce?"

Taron felt Brian's lips on him again, letting himself be carried away by the sensations of the drug inside his brain.

They were not in a forest, the colors did not change every time he opened and closed his eyes, and those noises were not of witches, but of several couples of men having sex around them.

The last thing he remembered was a pleasant sensation that ran from head to toe... and then, all black.  
_

He woke up disoriented in the back seat of his car.

He felt his head was going to explode. Every muscle in his body ached. The sun was on his face and his eyes burned.

As he could, he got out of the car, but a strong dizziness caused him to sit on the floor.

"Fuck!"

He wasn't in a position to drive, he didn't even remember where he was.

He needed help.

His friends could not know what he was doing. Calling Elton was not an option, he would probably send a helicopter and then hit him with a stick on his head for what he have done.

Dexter: canceled, no way, impossible.

Jamie: He wasn't in the country.

There was someone else.

He took the phone in his hands and looked for the contact. He breathed deeply and finally called.

"Hello?" Replied a voice from the other side with a heavy Scottish accent.

“Richard, I need your help, please”

“What the hell happened, T?”

"Can you come find me?"

"Where are you?"

"I don’t know"

"What do you mean? How you don’t know?"

"I don't know, and I'm a bit scared"

"Oh My God, T. Were you robbed?"

“I don’t think so”

"Listen to me, you better calm down"

Taron felt pathetic sitting on the floor in a place he did not remember and within minutes of crying.

“Send me your location on Whatsapp, I will look for you”

"Okey"

Taron cut the call, made a capture of his location and sent it to Richard. He just hoped he was doing the right thing, his hands were shaking and he started to sweat even though there was no heat.

His cell phone vibrated in his hand, and he responded in seconds.

“What the hell are you doing in Manchester!?” Richard screamed.

“I came to do research”

"Research? About what?"

"Can you come for me, please?"

“I'm on my way, don't disconnect the location of your cell phone and don't go too far”

"Thank you, Richard"

"Always, T"

He was smiling like an idiot when he cut the call.  
_

He was in the bathroom of a bar inspecting his body. It had some nail marks, bites and scratches.

Taron felt so stupid and irresponsible.

He had ordered a coffee with eggs although it was already noon, he was feeling a little better, but he still had a hard time remembering everything.

He remembered the two men, and remembered smoking that strange weed.

He was eating alone on a table when the door opened showing the figure of a tall and elegant man, wearing a cap but still could not hide his beautiful face.

His eyes met and Taron raised his hand for Richard to approach.

"Oh My God, are you okay?" Richard asked, sitting in front of him.

"Yes, thanks for coming"

"I was worried"

"I'm worried too"

"What the hell happened?"

"You have to promise me you won't say anything"

“I don’t know”

"Promise me!"

Richard hesitated a moment, but finally replied:

"I promise"  
_

Richard thought Taron was going to tell him everything, but he fell asleep in the seat next to him.

Waking him broke Richard's heart, but they had already arrived at Taron's house and he owed him an explanation.

"What happened to my car?" He asked.

“Don’t worry. I parked it inside the parking lot of that bar where we met" he said, "Here's the key."

"Thank you, Richard"

"Anytime"

Taron descended behind his friend feeling ashamed, he had not known him for a long time, but they have already become very close.

He took a shower, beginning to remember fragments of the night under the water: Lips, hands, kisses, tongues, moans, traces of all that on his body.

He left the bathroom and found Richard in his kitchen preparing something for dinner, only there he could realize the time that passed, when he saw that outside the window was starting to get dark.

"Do you feel better?" Richard asked.

"Yes, thank you"

"I made some chicken salad," he said, bringing a large bowl to the table. "You should have more stuff in your fridge."

"Yeah, maybe"

Taron sat on the couch next to Richard and they both started eating from the same bowl.

"It tastes delicious," Taron said.

"Thank you. I like to cook"

There was a silence between them, a comfortable silence, with both enjoying the food and some exchange of meaningless words.

It was Richard who started the conversation.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"You're going to get mad at this"

“Try me”

Taron sat on the couch with his legs crossed in front of Richard, who did the same, ready to listen.

"I'm doing my own research before I start filming," he started.

"What kind of research?"

"I consider myself a method actor"

"Aren’t we all?"

“I like to go further and explore certain things that the character has gone through”

"But Elton is not a character, he is a person, why don’t you simply go talk to him?"

“We talked a lot, I just wanted to experience a little of his youth”

"Oh God, Taron," he said, a bit scared "What did you do?"

“Some stuffs, you know? Go to gay bars, drink alcohol, try… some drugs”

"Taron!" Screamed, angry.

“Told you”

"How could you do that? Are you crazy? No movie is worth it"

"I just wanted to experiment"

“I'm so disappointed in you, Taron"

That hurt, Taron didn't know exactly why those words had hurt so much in his chest, but it had.

"Rich ..."

"One thing is to train in a gym to have muscles, or learn to handle a toy gun, or talk to someone who is sick or with a pathology ... but this?, this? ... I have never heard of it"

"Richard please, listen to me ..."

"What?!" almost shouted.

"I am not proud of what I did"

"Did you try cocaine?"

"No!"

"Then what?"

"It was an herb, something stronger than marijuana, I don't remember the name ... some Haze ..."

"Oh my God! "Amnesia Haze"?"

"Yes!"

"Are you insane?!"

"Do you know it?"

“Yes, it’s a kind of marijuana that has a mostly cerebral effect. It gives you a feeling of euphoria and joy, it has hallucinogenic effects”

"You're mad at me because I tried it, but you tried that too!"

“I never tried it, but my friends did in Holland”

"Don’t lie to me"

“I don't, I would never be so stupid to try that crap"

That hurt him too.

"Can you calm down, Richard?" Asked "Your words don't help me ... and I feel hurt"

At that moment Richard seemed to understand that his words had an effect on Taron, and that it was not worth continuing to torture him, since he looked regretful and distressed.

"I'm sorry" he said.

"I know you're mad at me, but I need you to help me and listen to me without judging me" asked "No one should know this"  
Taron didn't want to think about Elton's reaction if he found out.

"Is there more?" Richard asked.

"Yes ... I met two guys ..."

Richard closed his eyes and took a deep breath, imagining what Taron will tell him.

"They were the ones that gave me the drug"

"What did they do to you?"

"That's the problem ... I don't remember"

Richard put a hand to his face trying to stop himself from shouting or insulting him for his irresponsible behavior.

"You must remember something"

"Only things ... pieces, sensations, not much"

Richard seemed to think about it for a moment, and finally speak.

“You will get a blood test”

"What? Do you think it is too much?"

"Yes, I do."

"But ..."

“There’s no “but”, Taron”

Richard picked up his phone and started writing.

"What are you doing?"

"Arranging an appointment with my trusted doctor" said "Tomorrow I'll take you with him to check you out and draw blood"

Taron's heart was beating with terror in his chest, he hadn't contemplated the possibility of checking himself or getting any disease.

He tried to hide his fear.

"It is not a big deal"

“It is, you were drugged, at the mercy of two men who left you unconscious inside your car, and you don't remember anything that happened. They could have kidnapped you, raped you... ”

"Okey, stop"

Thinking about something like that made him feel nauseous.

"Done" he said, standing up. "Tomorrow I'll come pick you up at 7 o'clock in the morning"

"Thank you"

“I told you… anytime”

That silence between them again, although he did not feel comfortable like the previous silence.

"Gotta go now" Richard said.

“See you tomorrow”

"Try to rest"

"Yeah, you too"

Richard gave him a big hug ... it felt so good that it left him with a smile on his face the rest of the night.  
_

As Richard promised, he came looking for him half an hour earlier.

Taron couldn't stop talking nonsense in the car. He always did that when he was nervous. He couldn’t slept the night before thinking of all the possible disasters, fearing for his health, torturing himself for his irresponsibility.

The place was empty when they arrived, and the doctor was already waiting for them in the office.

The man seemed friendly, of medium height, big eyes and an impeccable suit.

He greeted Richard with a hug, and then he turned his attention to him.

"Nice to met you, Taron," he said shaking his hand "How are you?"

“I'm good, thanks”

"I'm Dr. Muschietti, and I'm going to check you out"

"Okey"

"Could you wait for us here, Richard?" the man asked "I'd rather be alone with him"

"Of course"

Taron gave Richard one last look, and he couldn't hide his fear and nervousness. Richard gave him a supportive smile, and Taron replayed it in his mind when the man drew blood from his veins.  
_

Richard was waiting for him outside with a cup of coffee and some croissants, he proposed to have breakfast in the car on the way to Manchester where they would pick up Taron's abandoned car, and then each one would return to London by themselves.

How could he refuse?

They sang Elton songs along the way, and talked about their expectations of the movie.

Both were excited.

Taron had to spend good money for leaving his car more than forty-eight hours there, but that didn't matter to him, what he cared about was having to leave Richard, he didn't want him to leave.

"What will you do now?" Taron asked.

"I have costume test" Richard replied.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I have to go to a tailor shop to measure a lot of different suits"

"I had no idea"

"My wardrobe is not like yours, it is simpler"

Taron was going to get in his car when Richard stopped him.

"Do you want to go with me?" asked.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, so you give me your opinion”

"Sure!"

Taron felt happy again, leaving his nervousness and fear behind for a moment.

"Okey, but don't pass me on the road" Richard warned.

"It's not something I can accomplish"

Richard smiled at him and he could feel a strange sensation in his stomach. He wasn't used to have croissants for breakfast.  
_

Taron moved again in his seat watching Richard change his suit more times than he could count.

"Done" said the man "I'll talk to people in costume design."

"Thank you"

The two said goodbye to the man and then went to have lunch at a nearby restaurant. When they finished, the sun was already setting, and they realized they have been together the whole day.

“I should go home” Richard said.

“Or maybe we can go to my house and watch that Spanish series you were talking about?”

Richard looked at him intensely for a few seconds before answering.

"Sounds tempting, but I really have to go back"

"Oh, okey"

Taron looked disappointed; the presence of his friend gave him a strange peaceful feeling.

"But maybe we could meet tomorrow?" he proposed.

"Yes, sure," Taron replied, sounding more excited than he would like.

“See you around”

"Bye"

Taron stood in the street watching Richard leave, still with his smile playing in his head.  
_

The smile stayed on his face for days, and it grew bigger when he received a text from Richard, and it was still there during all the hours that the conversation lasted.

The recording sessions of the songs for the film had already begun for him, but that afternoon Richard also had to go.

It seemed tender to Taron to see Richard so nervous, an actor who made so many complicated scenes of fight, action and sex, was there, afraid of a song.

“I sound like shit” said.

“That’s not true, Rich”

“This is going to be a disaster, I don't even know why I auditioned, and we are also going to have to dance”

“If you had never auditioned you would not have had the role and we would not have met”

"Are you implying that the best thing about getting the role was to meet you?" He asked with a smile.

"That’s right" he replied, with the same smile.

Richard's phone interrupted the strange tension that has been created between them.

"Hello?" He replied.

Taron looked away and put a hand to his stomach that was making strange noises again, which seemed odd because he hasn’t eaten croissants.

"Of course, doctor. If fact, he’s here with me right now”

Taron turned his attention to Richard when he heard he was the doctor.

"What happened?" Asked, a little scared.

“The results of your blood test are already there”

For the first time in that week, Taron wiped the smile from his face.  
_

His mouth was dry and his hands were sweaty while they waited for the doctor.

“Don’t leave me alone” Taron asked.

Richard was quiet next to him, and just looked at him. He put his hand on his and squeezed it, giving Taron a better answer without using words.

"Taron?" The doctor called from his office.

"Can Richard come in with me?" He asked.

“Sure”

They both entered and sat on the chairs in front of the desk. The man took an envelope from a shelf by the window and sat in front of them.

"Well" the doctor began "There is no type of sexually transmitted disease, or virus or infections"

Taron breathed relaxed and looked at Richard, who gave him a smile and took his hand under the desk.

"But ..." the doctor continued.

"But?" Richard asked.

"There is something that worries me about your overall health"

"What is it?" Taron asked.

“When I checked you before taking your blood, I could see that your blood pressure was not normal, I also noticed your dry skin, but I didn't think it was enough reason to close a circle… but with the tests”

“What is it?” asked Richard this time.

"You have a little cholesterol, it's not the big deal, but you also have an electrolyte imbalance ..."

"What the hell is that?" Taron asked nervously.

"It is the loss of potassium, sodium and chlorine"

"Is that dangerous?" Richard asked, worried.

"It can be over time ... if that's what I suspect"

"What do you suspect?" Taron asked.

"If I add everything, the check I did on you and the blood tests, I would say that you are developing an eating disorder"

Taron panicked... he forgot, or rather: he never imagined it would bring consequences.

“I’m gaining weight for a role" he explained.

"Okay. Are you doing it with nutritionists?”

"No, because it's just a little weight"

“That doesn't matter, you should always do it with professionals”

“I get it”

"Have you ever caused yourself to vomit, Taron?" the doctor asked.

Taron stopped breathing, and felt how Richard let go of his hand.

“Just… three or four times”

He didn't want to look at him, he didn't want to look at Richard and his eyes full of disappointment. Nor did he want to look at the doctor, so he just focused his eyes on a small knife on the desk that the doctor would use to open the envelopes of his patients' tests.

"Well, it's enough to cause you these symptoms" the doctor explained.

“It was just for the role”

"I don't know what role you are talking about, Taron, but it's not worth putting your health at risk"

"I know, and it won't happen again"

“I'm afraid I can't trust only with your words, Taron. If you don't stop, you can end up bulimic”

His heart was pounding, but not because of what the doctor was informing him, but because of Richard's reaction to discovering another of his secrets.

"What do you want me to do?" Taron asked.

“I would like to repeat the blood test in about three months”

"Fine"

"Okey ... that’s all" said the man, standing up and handing him his studies "See you then"

"Thank you"

Richard said nothing, simply shook the man's hand and began to walk a few steps in front of him.

He also said nothing in the car, he simply drove with his eyes straight ahead. Taron looked out the window, thinking about how stupid he have been, how irresponsible his actions were, and the pain at the disappointment Richard felt for him.

They finally reached the building where Taron lived. Richard parked the car, the sun had already set, and he still hasn’t said a word.

“Rich… I…” Taron started.

“You don’t deserve to be in this movie” Richard spat.

“What?”

“I should talk with Dexter, and even Elton himself”

“No, Richard please…”

“I’m not going to do it” said, looking at him for the first time in hours.

“Rich…”

“Elton would be so embarrassed, your family… you don’t deserve to be called an actor”

Taron couldn’t say anything, because Richard was saying everything he had been thinking so far.

It hurt.

"I know, and I'm so sorry" he said.

“Get out of my car”

Taron did it, he would have liked to talk a little more, try to defend himself, but that would not make sense, he screwed up big time.  
He got out of the car and watched Richard leave, but this time he did it without a smile on his face, but with tears in his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my dear friend PrincessMarion for edit this chapter.
> 
> Remember that english is not my mother tongue.
> 
> Anyway... enjoy.

Taron wanted to experience everything Elton John experienced in his youth, but he focused on banal things, exposing himself to physical dangers because of his immaturity.

At that time he was experiencing deep feelings, like the famous singer have told him.

He felt lonely and miserable.

It only took two weeks to start filming the movie, and Taron thought that nothing he have been exposed to was good enough, nothing have improved the preparation for his performance ... it only made him lose Richard.

The only message Richard sent him was Dr. Muschietti’s phone number by whatsapp, after that he did not write again, nor did he answered his messages.

More than once he found himself wondering why Richard's opinion was so important to him, and he could never come up with a clear answer. He just wanted to treasure that friendship forever, because there was something between them that was very different from what he had with his other friends.

Luckily that day he could see him, and maybe he was already in a better mood to talk to him. They had to go to the studio and listen to the final version of the song they had recorded together, Honky cat, and start rehearsals for the choreography.

He was so nervous.

When Taron saw Richard, he barely recognized him. His hair was different, different hairstyle and dyed a deep black color that made his blue eyes stand out even more.

For the first time Taron thought that the stomach discomfort he felt every time he saw Richard had nothing to do with having croissants for breakfast.

“Hey, Taron!” Enthusiastically greeted the sound engineer “Come on in”

Richard turned around and looked at him, his blue eyes made his heart beat faster. He greets him kindly, hiding what had happened between them. Dexter was also there with some people from the staff.

He just wanted to focus on work.

Taron thought he was going to be able to talk to Richard, but it was impossible. They had to re-record some parts of the song, then costume test, and then they started to practice the choreography, they met the extras and saw some parts of the set.

By the end of the day Taron thought he already hated that song.

He was walking towards the exit when he saw light inside the dressing room. He walked over and knocked on the door to see if Richard was in there.

It was Richard himself who opened the door.

"Eeey" Taron greeted, almost like a sigh.

"I was just leaving" he reply.

"Wait! I wanted to talk with you"

"I don't think we have to talk about anything"

"Why are you still so angry?"

Richard looked both ways down the aisle and told Taron to go inside the room.

They were alone when he closed the door.

"Are you really asking me why I'm angry?" Richard asked, annoyed.

"Yes! I really don't understand"

"You put your health in danger ... you put your LIFE in danger!"

“Yes!, I know! And it's my problem”

"Then you shouldn't have asked for my help"

"But I did, I did it because I trust you"

"And I'm reliable because I'm a good friend, I haven't told anyone about your irresponsibility ... but I know it"

“It was just a scare, it helped me learn and it won't happen again”

"I really hope so"

"You have never done anything you regret?"

“Of course I did”

"Sometimes we need to hit a wall and bleed to learn"

"I was just ... I..."

Taron instinctively approached him, Richard was affected by something he did.

“I was so worried about you, about your well-being…” Richard confessed.

“I was very worried too”

“And then I was so angry… and...”

"Shh, it's okay" Taron said, wrapping Richard in his arms. 

"Shit, Taron!" Almost shouted over his shoulder "I was so scared!"

Richard pulled away from his body and put a hand over his face trying to hide his anguish and tears.

Richard was crying.

Taron removed Richard's hands and placed his in his place, cleaning with his thumbs the tears that had remained.

"I'm so sorry" apologized "I never thought in the horrible position I've put you in"

“It’s not about that”

When Richard opened his eyes it was when Taron realized how close they were, he could feel his friend's breathing mingling with his, and his bodies touching.

"What is it, then?" Taron asked.

"I was scared about you having a disease, or thinking about what those men could have done to you"

"I was scared too, but you know what ...?"

"What?"

"I'm healthy ... I'm going to be healthy, and I don't even remember what happened with those men, and if I can't remember it then it didn’t happen."

Richard laughed, and Taron felt so happy for making him feel better.

Silence.

Half smile on their faces.

Looks united with a strange brightness of doubt and expectation.

Closer and closer.

Taron reacted when he felt Richard's lips on his. He pulled away, surprised.

"I'm so sorry" Richard pleaded, embarrassed "Oh my God, T ... I don't know, what the hell, I'm sorry ..."

"Shhh" Taron silenced him by putting his lips together again, firmer this time.

Richard's back crashed into something, they didn't know what it was, and it didn't matter, any object was giving them support to hit their bodies further and deepen the kiss. Taron possessively wrapped Richard around his waist, and felt his partner do the same around his neck. The situation was getting out of control, and he didn't think they could stop ... which was perfect, because it felt so fucking good.

"Holy shit" Taron moaned inside the kiss.

Hands began to explore, Taron could feel them tangled in his hair, Richard could feel them under his shirt.

They needed air.

Richard pulled away, but Taron was fast and attacked his neck, biting, licking, tearing out every moan, preventing him from taking the air he needed.

“I had no idea you liked guys” Richard said.

“I don’t like guys” Taron answered “I like you”

“Lucky me”

Taron laughed and attacked his lips again, but at that moment someone knocked on the dressing room door, causing them to separate alertly.

"Oh, here they are" said the floor chief.

“We have been looking for you guys everywhere” said the sound engineer “We have to close already”

“Sorry” Taron replayed.

The two men left, leaving Taron and Richard alone again.

"Oh my God" Richard said, putting a hand on his mouth to cover his mischievous laugh.

“That was close”

Taron approached again with intentions of kissing him, but Richard stopped him.

“Stop, they’re still out there” said.

“Oh come on, look how hard I am”

Taron brought Richard's hand to his crotch so he could feel his erection, causing him to emit a soft moan.

“Let’s go to my apartment” Richard proposed.

"I will not go out there"

“You must”

“How?”

“Think about something awful…. Like Mufasa dying”

“Oh God, no”

Richard was the first to leave the room, laughing, waving to people, as if nothing had happened.

Taron felt himself flying up a cloud, so many months trying to find something or someone to experiment with, resulting in only failures, and he had even put himself in danger.

Richard was all he needed.  
_

The road to Richard's house was eternal, Taron tried more than once to convince him to park on the side of the road and fuck on the car, but Richard seemed to be more rational when he refused and made him understand that it could be dangerous and that someone could see them.

When they entered the elevator of the building he could no longer resist and threw himself on him.

“Wait” Richard said, laughing “Be patient”

“Fuck off patient!” almost shouted “I want you now”

Richard let himself be kissed until they reached his floor, he was also losing patience.

His hands were shaking when he tried to put the key in the lock, Taron was pressing him against the door and kissing his neck from behind. It was impossible for him to get into his house.

"Calm down" Richard asked.

“Don't ask me to calm down when I just found gold”

Finally he could open the door and they both entered, still entangled, still kissing, still unable to take their hands off each other ... and they didn't know when they would be able to do it.

“Let’s go to my room” Richard said.

Taron didn't need to answer, and Richard didn't need an answer.

When they fell on the big bed they were desperated to get rid of the clothes to the point of breaking some buttons on Richard's shirt.

“I want to fuck you” said Taron.

“Of course you want”

Taron finally got rid of Richard's pants, and settled between his legs to kiss him again.

"Will you let me?" He asked.

"How could I refuse?" Replied "A bicurious guy turns me on so bad"

Taron didn't know how to process what he just heard, and he honestly didn't feel like doing it, he just wanted to feel it.

Richard turned over his body and finished undressing him completely, Taron did not feel nervous or intimidated like with the other men he had met. With Richard everything felt good.

Taron looked at his friend's naked body and felt inferior, he was no longer fit, and Richard looked like hand carved by a sculptor. He was the most beautiful man he have ever seen, he was attracted to him, he wanted him sexually.

Incredibly those thoughts did not scare him, quite the opposite, his mind was very open, his heart ... and apparently his sexuality too.  
Richard opened the drawer of his bedside table and took out condoms and lubricant, Taron thanked himself for having "study" watching porn.

"Do you know what to do?" Richard asked.

"More or less" replied "But I would love a teacher"

“Such a good student”

Taron groaned when he felt Richard's whole body on him, his erection against his, their tongues dancing, the breaths mixing.  
Richard licked down his neck, down his chest, made a delicious stop in his nipple, and then continued down his stomach, and Taron writhed in bed when he felt his hot mouth wrap around him.

He brought one of his hands to his hair, stroking his head, clenching his lips to prevent desperate and shameful groans from coming out of his mouth.

“Stop, stop” begged “You’re gonna make me come”

"Are you saying this is going to be a quick?"

"Hope not…" wished "But we could repeat it later"

Richard smiled, and he felt that strange pain in his stomach that had nothing to do with the croissants: That had sounded like a promise.  
He took the lubricant and put it in Taron's hand.

"Show me what you know" he said.

It was time to put into practice all the gay porn he have seen, although Taron really doubted that sex between men was like he saw.  
Richard was lying in bed, watching him with curiosity, even fun. Taron made his legs flex and placed lubricant on his fingers.

He leaned on Richard's body and kissed him to relax him, and to relax himself.

"Here I go" he warned.

Richard raised one of his eyebrows up, expectantly, and it was enough motivation for Taron.

He introduced one of his fingers carefully, he was too tight and slippery, but from Richard's expression it seemed that it hadn't caused him much trouble.

Between his legs, and with his lips very close, Taron felt the pulsing need to take his finger out to introduce his dick that was about to explode. But he knew that preparation was very important.

"I will put another one" Taron warned again.

"Yes, please"

He did it, and Richard's face was transformed into a beautiful Shakespearean poem.

"Do it faster" Richard claim.

“You really like this, don’t you?”

“What do you think?”

Taron kissed him again, feeling a muffled groan for having accelerated the movements of his hand.

“Shit!” Richard moaned “Just right there”

Taron did not know exactly what caused that reaction in Richard, but continued with his movements.

“Just fuck me already”

He did not need to be asked again, he removed his fingers and reached for a condom, but Richard was faster and turned him around, taking the condom himself.

Taron watched almost hypnotized as he opened the wrapper with his teeth and put the condom in his mouth. Richard gave him one last look before lowering between his legs and placing it on him.

“Fuck!”

It was the only thing Taron could say.

"It's more fun like that" Richard said.

“It sure is”

Richard put one leg on each side of his hip, and Taron groaned when his partner took his dick in his hand and guided him to his entrance.  
Taron took a deep breath, he knew it was going to be intense and different, and he knew that this act would mark a change in his life, in his way of seeing sex, and in his own sexuality ... and he was totally fine about it.

It felt like torture.

Richard was very slow, but steady. When they were united he hugged him and caressed him to calm him, but it did not last long, because after a few seconds he began to move on top of him.

“Oh God!” Taron moaned.

He had never felt anything like that in his life; it was something absolutely new and different.

"I like this" Taron confessed.

"I like to do it"

“We make a good team”

Taron rolled him on the bed and took control of the situation, being careful in his movements and in his strength.

They spent several minutes with fair, accurate and pleasant movements that filled the room with sighs and groans.

“Let’s change” Richard said.

Taron felt agitated and heated, he had already started to sweat. He could see how Richard turned on the bed and positioned himself with his knees and hands on the mattress. Taron wasted no time and positioned himself behind him, taking his dick to his entrance, penetrating him without difficulty.

"Holy shit, Richard" Said, unable to believe the new sensations.

He rested his forehead on Richard's back. He felt himself explode, he needed to lower his excitement a little, or he would end up coming too soon.

“Come on” Richard said, impatient “Move!”

“Fuck!, I can’t… I’m gonna come”

Richard turned his head back, he was laughing at the situation, they were both laughing at Taron's despair.

"Move a bit, come on" Richard said.

Taron tried, feeling Richard's lips on him, who had turned his head to kiss him.

Gradually he achieved a slow and safe pace, but he still felt that he would burst at any moment. Richard started to touch himself, and he decided to help him without asking permission, placing his hand on his.

“You’re doing great, Taron” he encouraged him.

“Thanks… but I can’t anymore”

Richard changed the position, tearing off a moan of annoyance from Taron. He pushed him on the bed and climbed on his body again.

"Don’t move" he warned.

Taron was pleasantly surprised to feel Richard's hands hold him tightly by the wrists just on each side of his head.  
It was at that moment that Richard became the four horsemen of the apocalypse… all together. Taron didn’t remember their names; he didn’t even remember his own name.

He was writhing, moaning and falling apart as Richard rode him in such a brutal and expert way that he thought his dick would be tear off of his body.

"Fuck! I'm coming!" Taron shouted.

"Show me"

He could not take it anymore, his body involuntarily pushed forward and let out a shameful groan that had been repressing for a long time.  
With his eyes closed, still flying, even seeing colored stars, he could hear Richard's moan over his lips, and a warm sensation in his belly.  
He would have loved to see Richard's face when he came, but he was almost fainted after his own orgasm.

The sex felt short, but intense.

He was falling asleep when he heard Richard move beside him, seconds later he touched him and handed him a towel.

"Clean yourself up" he said "We did a little mess"

Taron laughed as he cleaned his stomach and his hands a little.

He didn't know exactly what happened, but when he woke up, somewhat disoriented; he was in an almost dark room, still in the middle of the night, hugging a strong and soft body.

That felt good, so he hugged the body a little harder and went back to sleep.  
_

The next morning he woke up alone in a large bed.

He sat up and looked at the room, he didn't remember it, but he did remember what had happened there the night before.

He could smell coffee and toast coming from somewhere in the apartment. He went to the bathroom, he cleaned himself up and put on the same clothes from the day before.

"Good morning" Richard greeted when he saw him enter the kitchen.

"Morning" he replied.

"How did you sleep?"

“Like a newborn baby”

Richard brought a plate of toast and jam to the table, and then turned to face him.

"I'm glad to hear that" he said, before kissing him on the lips.

Taron was a little surprised at the action, but it didn't bother him.

He sat in front of him and poured himself some coffee, the atmosphere felt somewhat uncomfortable, but he supposed it was normal after the things they have done.

"We have to be in the studio at ten" Richard recalled.

"Rehearsal, I know"

"I thought you forgot, you almost passed out last night"

Taron looked at him somewhat embarrassed, and then smiled, trying to hide his nervousness.

"Was that what you expected?" Richard asked.

“It was… interesting”

"Do you realize that we are going to have to pretend to have sex when we are filming the movie?"

“It will be a memorable scene without a doubt”

"Nothing can go wrong with a method actor”

Taron smiled and bit his lips.

"We can practice again before the scene" Taron proposed.

“We sure can” replayed “We can practice right now if you want”

Fuck! That sounded tempting.

"But we must go to work" Richard said.

“Maybe latter”

"Maybe"

Richard winked one of his intense blue eyes at him and he had to look down at his coffee cup. 

He had promised to himself that his research would end once the filming began, only four days left for that. 

He could forget that stupid promise.

That movie promised to be a fucking vivid experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end.
> 
> Yes!... the end, use your imagination.
> 
> I'm not going to write more like I did with "Boy crush", so stop asking me.
> 
> Love you all so much! Thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> Part two very soon.


End file.
